May

May, this was a very beautiful month with so many good things happening. Like; officially this month started on the 13^th when I joined my new company. April 30^th, was the last day at my previous company, so there was a 12 day ‘vacation’, that’s how I like to call that dozen days. Also, I had a very grand birthday celebration on 11^th May (by Moon Sign) with all my six uncles and aunties, my Mom and my dear little cousins and many others. There was a traditional vegie feast for lunch and a surprise cake cutting in the evening. Surprise!! That’s the word all I could find to explain though an understatement. Surprised also because they made me feel I’m so special to them. Thanks my dearest Appat family for the biggest birthday I have ever had..!!!

All the celebration was at the zenith of happiness as it was on the eve of my cousin sister’s engagement.

As because of these many things happening around me the shell of anxiety that could have developed before joining a new company wasn’t even thought of. After all, everything will be fine at the end and if it’s not, then that’s not the end of it.

But ‘The Alchemist’ is dragging into the third month. Unbelievable!! Am I becoming too busy? Or is it that I’m messing up the time arrangement? May be I gotto move to conclude with the second question. Same is the case of my Nike miles. Not a mile done in May. Not much hopes for the June days too. My bed gets more magnetized on a rainy or a chilled morning. So there is a great-wall between me and the morning jog. But the ‘New Post’ button was clicked thrice in APHORISMS this month. That brings happiness, satisfaction and brings a physical existence for my thoughts too.

Another irony of May was that on a same day (May 16^th) news headlines had three very unfortunate and unpopular stories (Sreesant, Ranjini Haridas & Kalabhavan Mani) and in the very same May, Malayalam was declared as the classical language by GOI. Nothing to connect with the former trio, but too much fluctuation for the language in the same month.

Anyways, for me, another month slips away like the Thai Airways… “Smooth as silk”

The Balnce Of An Average Grihasthashrami.

There are some pictures or scenes in our daily life that goes unnoticed. Last weekend while waiting for the green light at Naikanal signal, Thrissur Round, I just took a 180 degree look from left shoulder to the right. It was just the usual panorama; some entering the Swaraj Round from Shornur Road while some entering Vadakkumnadhan Temple area; in the snack shop to the corner where the roads met, the glass containers were being filled with hot and spicy tea-time snacks; the juice store next to that was having a busy day, thanks to the red hot Sun; there was a traffic policeman who was shaking his pen to note down the number of a fellow who was a bit impatient to wait for the green and then to my right was a five-headed family waiting for the green on the balance of a pair of tyres and green light is on.

We, who were waiting for the green, started to move together like in a race. One scene that always appears while I stand in the front line of a traffic signal is of a horse race and when the green is like the gun shot when the gates open and the gallop begin.

As I moved forward the panorama of Thrissur Round kept refreshing only leaving that Grihasthashrami’s (Family man) balance kind of imprinted on all frames I saw. That man was not performing a circus-trick or something like the Tornado wing of the Indian Army with five people (including him) on that two-wheeler. He was running a family. He is the Average Grihasthashrami – The Family Man.

It’s just a normal scene. One thing I told my Mom who was sitting next to me when I saw this man, “the whole life of that man is focused just not to lose the balance of that motorcycle which can be a marked as a metaphor to his life.”

What is life? He is not cared about life at all. He just keeps things moving and leaves life unattended or let’s say uncelebrated and finally when the game-over bell rings, his children will be the only proof of his existence on this planet.

It’s a subject that I’m totally inexperienced in. The post is about what I observed; the spark or really ‘living’ life is really missing in the world around us. They just come from somewhere, spend some time on earth and just leave.

Happiness is as ubiquitous as we believe the Almighty is. Like what Mr. Kamal Hassan says in Anbesivam, “I see goodness in you and that goodness is the Almighty.” And I believe that mind which finds the Almighty is capable enough to find happiness too…

I would rather wish to have a set of four-wheelers instead of two. Don’t mistake. It is not the case of wheels of the vehicle we own, but the fear of losing focus can be set free to fly away from within us. And the weight of a four or a five headed family is easily distributed on a well-aligned set of 4 wheels. :)

People are so busy. Rushing and running to reach on time. To reach office on time in the morning and to reach at least five minutes early in the evening. Hardly some realize that in this process, days and months and years are draining. They forget their hobbies, their interest and some even forgot when they laughed out loud from the bottom of their heart and eventually one becomes a stranger to himself as time gallops.

Yes! We need to race, but we need to realize there is no trophy at the end of the race for the one who comes first. And even if there is a trophy it should not be at our life’s cost.

April

April... Aahh.., I'm tired. But am happy to the core. Festivals, get-togethers everything happening good at the expense of pure human energy which forces me to say that I'm tired.

An overall change has begun to roll. I'm not having a role in the play rather sit comfortably in the pavilion and let destiny take its turn to roll the dice. That was indeed a big lesson learnt. "Stay calm", is the slogan. Whenever life twirls in an arrhythmic music all you gotto do is to stay calm.

April also gifted me a long awaited change. Yesterday while playing Temple Run on my Tab, I stuck up on an idea that this game has a close resemblance to our life. Where the life is the temple, we are the runner and the coins that we collect are the friends we gain that helps us to gain bonus in the later run. The next level of Temple Run starts from May 13th. I got an opportunity in another company. Eager!!!

iSmart, my first company, was my learning ground like she was for many others. The unparalleled exposure and experience this company gave was molding me from a boy to a professional in the corporate world. And all these were not my achievement rather it was the presence of a Godfather here too like I used to have their presence everywhere. At school, college likewise here too. But the interesting fact was that none of them might have recognized the position or how much they have influenced me and how much their presence and interaction have supported and boosted me. It moreover like the tribal prince in Mahabharatha, Mr. Ekalavya. Not the thumb cutting part. But the teacher not knowing about an unknown student. A kind of a one way traffic.

So far the change in the course of tide seems interesting. One thing I hate about April is that every year this month makes me older. That happened this year too… :)

March

A month that marched away faster than the short Feb. It was rather a 31 days anticipatory extention of the short Feb. There was ample space to provide space for a potpouri of twists, tension, hope and some happiness.

Of all incidences, death of Anoop's wife was what touched and squeezed my heart so much after a long while. Though I personally admire death, sometimes I feel like Death is a bit ruthless in choosing its prey. I do not have any words of condolence for him. Just a prayer that may He grant him the ability to stand. Time is the best healer.

Later towards the end of March some rendezvous gifted a flamboyant curtain drop for my March. Life of Pi was the book of the month. Another version of Cast Away and Robinson Crusoe. Version in the sense when spoken about the two common subjects dealt; suffering and survival. And the quote that stuck me was...

“You might think I lost all hope at that point. I did. And as a result I perked up and felt much better.” 

The much awaited April slowly steps down from the calendar on the wall. The next 30 days are going to fly at light's pace. A Vishu and the mighty Thrissur Pooram and my normal tensions all coming together means I'm gonna need some bigger container for storing energy to survive this month. Happiness come to play the creamy layer role in the pot of emotions.

Happiness. I won't leave it. Even if sometimes I feel its a fake reality. Believe me, it gives you better mileage than any other emotion. :)

February

2013 sheds another month. February to me was a montage of emotions. Soon after the first week I landed home after the two months onsite tenure. Yet another two months have come to an end. Busy and not-so-busy working days, shrinking countdowns, stabbing Saturday nights again and again and again with movies all over the world (with subtitles)…all these have become a habit now when I’m switched to the onsite mode.

Being at home is like having several ‘NZT’ pills for limitless happiness. Also, after eleven months I was able to kick start my bullet. He like an obedient child woke up from an eleven month meditation        . That moment was magical enough to cut down that eleven month separation. Felt as if I got my wings and horns back. That always makes me feel that I’m a little different from the normal race horses like any other RE enthusiast.

February was a quiet and swift month for Thrissur always keeps me busy. Not a single mile was covered this month vs. the 100+ mile of January. Illusions by Richard Bach was the book of the month. Its a companionship and an enlightenment story.

Two quotes from Shimoda's 'The Messiah's Handbook and Reminders for the Advanced Soul' are worth repeating:

"Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet them than your acquaintences will know you in a thousand years."

and

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly."

February is not completed. It needs to be carried off to March….

Some ‘times’ make hope elasticize to the maximum… February was one of that kind. But no world ends here. Like what the Messiah told; this can't be an end, may be its a plot preparation to pop out and flutter. I hope...

JANUARY

Well, 2013 is 31 days old and this is the first time to click the ‘New Post’ button on Aphorisms. I’m free or rather I have no commitments and apart from that there isn’t anyone waiting for a new post on Aphorisms. So there isn’t much to worry when the ‘New Post’ button is left undisturbed for a while. Still, at times I do find it pretty hard to moor my mind that scatters and races to each and every nook and corner of my past, present, thoughts, dreams and senses in search of something to write.

That was when I thought of a kind of conventional diary entry. Just briefly explain my day. But for a lazy chap like me that won’t roll for more than a week. Writing is perhaps an infection to which I’m deeply addicted to.

That slothful thought was something that motivated me elaborate the span to jot down from a day to a month. Now let’s see how far and well is this going to roll down the unknown road that 2013 have for me.

~January~

New Year was born as I was speaking to Amma over phone. Fireworks, greetings, hugs, shake hands, updating FB status all happening with a slight sarcasm towards the poor old misinterpreted Mayans and the too brilliant NASA spokespersons who came every now and then on the Discovery channel advertising the “Doomsday”.

Happy that the New Year resolutions remain solid even as a month sings off. A total distance of 100+ mi jogging was done this month which proves that my leg has far past the ‘recovery state’ which also proclaims that I may be ready to kick start my Bullet when I reach home this time. Happy!! Anxious!!!

Completed reading Paulo Coelho’s Aleph. I was reading Paulo Coelho’s work for the first time. I really loved the way he treated the mystical realism and the beauty of sentences that leave a lasting impression on me. For example, there was a place where he explains a hug.

“A gesture as old as humanity itself, and which means far more than the meeting of two bodies. An embrace means: I don’t feel threatened by you; I’m not afraid to be this close; I can relax, feel at home, feel protected and in the presence of someone who understands me. It is said that each time we embrace someone warmly, we gain an extra day of life. So please, embrace me now.”

That brings about a better definition, meaning, feel and a new dimension for that gesture… Hug.

January was a busy but not-so-busy month work wise. Days went on quite smoothly despite some negligible issues. On the 16^th, that 23 year old girl from Delhi kept flashing in my mind. It’s been a month since she left home. Ten days later on 26^th, India celebrated her 64^th Republic day amid protests. But most people who then yelled to boycott the Republic Day function forgot all that a month later. Forgetting has become a national disease. She doesn’t have to be our sister, daughter, niece or friend to feel so much for.

Issues are developing exponentially in our country which are quite capable enough to wake the ‘Indian’ or ‘Anniyan’ in us. But Indians or Anniyans are fair only when Mr.Shanker narrates.

May God bless our country…

Another 8 days more and I’ll be at home. Time often moves at snail’s pace as the number of days fall shorter. Quite ridiculous...!!!

And that’s My January signing off.

Welcome February…

Happy New Year...!!!

2012. A flashback itself is annoying. This will be one of the most chaotic years of my life. Twists and turns happening one after the other. The three words I can use to describe the whole course of the year – Bad – Worse – Worst…with a smile. J

But also this year had tons of lessons to teach me too. Each accident or mishaps had something to tell or teach me. Rather than explaining about mishaps, I would like to share my gains. I was taught to hold the calm no matter the wreck I’m engulfed in; to control the negatives and unleash the positives, admire beauty and smile always.

Also you become a better player when you stop competing with those around you and start competing with your past performances. Let it be in any realm of life. Things change when you start observing and understanding the real you, the ‘self’ from within. It is indeed an interesting practice. There is an inexplicable beauty for the thing you own or that you already have. We don’t have to fish for happiness once we set ourselves free to discover and admire that beauty. Everything happens for a cause for sure.  

I think, in life we all need to be alone for some time. Being alone helps to pull ourselves from the rush outside and get into to think. Solitude in the beginning wears the dress of a curse which I later felt as a course of our journey from the outer rush to within us. It seems to be so disturbing and annoying. But once you are in, once you see the ‘you’, then you find answer for all your queries. This difficulty won’t obstruct you the next time when you meet Mr. Solitude. You simply slide into you like the state of ‘Aleph’. It is a state where you have everything at a point. Like a number that contains all the number. And slowly you start loving that reckoning.

As I understand there are two fears thinking of which we feel that the land beneath of feat is shrinking. One is this solitude. Solitude does not always mean being alone in a room. A person can feel this loneliness even in the crowd of Thrissur Pooram. It’s not of how many of them are there around you, it’s about how many are there with you. And the other is the fear of death. I understand these two are the most prime fears etched on us, which can be rubbed and leveled, that are still left undiscovered for many. Once we gain the strength to overwhelm this fear then no one born or yet to be born on earth can pull down the smile on your face.

Now here, as 2012 melts down, when it’s time to make the New Year resolutions, I think this time I have a new set of resolutions than my years so far. Yet all those mishaps couldn’t win to take the smile off my face as the year signs off. Here are my resolutions... J

·         Read, write and learn more.

·         Go for longer walks.

·         Loosen up.

·         Click more photos.

·         Laugh more.

·         Remain optimistic.

·         Be happy.

Being Happy is the goal..!!! 

Happy New Year..!!!! God Bless..!!!

Delhi gang rape.

I was a bit lazy to push aside things and make some time to jot down those that shook my mind ‘even’ as an FB status. In that, one was Sachin’s retirement. Of course, he won’t play forever. But still all of a sudden when his retirement was announced, I went through a very silly course of disturbance like any young man who grew up hearing about Sachin’s records and centuries since kindergarten. Yet, my laziness was strong enough to overwhelm that silly course of disturbance and keep me sit idle even as my friends filled Facebook with posts, pictures and video of Sachin. Everywhere Sachin..!!!

But then the next thing happens today. The 23-year-old gang-rape victim passed away this morning. I can hardly bear the agitation this mayhem has triggered. This was something beyond the circumference of humanity around me. Unbearable!! We were there with Sachin for the past 23 years of his career. My one silly post is negligible regarding his retirement. But this girl who unknown to us all and who became our sister gaining all our prayers… I think I’m obliged at least to let some space in my Aphorisms for her even though it won’t bring in a change a mild breeze would bring. 

Dear GOI, the way you deal with the protestors can only help the people of India to transmigrate from voters to terrorists or naxalites. It’s a shame. Is it for this freedom those generations’ kept shedding lives for 200 years? For God’s sake, understand..!!!

Whatever is your sign or your flag’s color, those in a position, who fear to react or whose blood doesn't boil seeing and hearing these atrocities are impotent. Or maybe you are much worse than these criminals. You still managed to set your blood ‘cold’ as ever even as something that stirred the hearts of all Indian’s happened. Thanks a lot to the Indian media world by the way. They did not dare to bring out Sachin’s retirement to sink down this issue.

I can’t complain about her death. I would say its better she died rather being a live martyr and wishing to have died.

To finish this just as a mere Facebook status won’t satisfy me. Not that spreading some words makes me feel better. I’m disturbed...totally and thoroughly like the thousands of brave protestors down there in my country.

I don’t know which way to choose to show my protest. Should I go out and kill. Like any Indian, I’m also ready to breach the so called ‘circumference’ of humanity and kill. But whom to kill? Will that bring some kind of an improvement? No..!! The change is something that needs to come from within. Such an incident is not the first of its kind to be so disquieted. At least, let the perpetrators receive their punishment in the public. Let India keep the heritage and traditions aside for some time and perform an atrocious form of punishment that would be a warning for any perverted souls born.

I don’t know her. But she is related to me by the universal bond of humanity, I hear that loud yell of a sister then a mother… that’s what disturbs me the most. The agony she went through… The agony which that mother have to live with for the rest of her life… That’s what brings the moisture in my eyes… Even a prayer, for her soul to rest in peace will be an irony…

Smile

Smile; sometimes a mirage,

Sometimes a collage of emotions.

Improbable is its capacity

To grant face for millions of significance.

And inexplicable is its gratifying aura

When conveyed straight

To heart from heart with an essence.

Either way, a face with a smile

Cause you to come out beauteous.

Either it’s an angel or demon in you

Forcing to paint that stroke of smile on your mind,

Hesitate not, to muse on your face that stroke.

For that cause you to come out beauteous.

Hesitate not. Hesitate not.

Smile...smile...smile... :)

Dear Pain..,

Dear Pain..,

You have shattered me.

You have confused and isolated me.

You snatched my energy and my confidence,

In each step you climbed to reach the peak though slowly.

The space within me that drained energy created,

Echoed fear and anxiety.

But, that was only until you conquered the peak.

I exist even after that.

Pain, oh dear…, now you are my best addiction.

You imparted a cute shining crystal of wisdom that

I am mightier than you are.

And as I inhale more of that wisdom-breeze,

I slowly reckon that you never even existed

And that you were just an enigmatic creation

Of my ignorant mind.

The most stupid creation of my thoughts…

The Meeting

I was sitting on the steps on the bank of Nila River (Bharathapuzha) drenched after few dips in her, for offering annual after-death rituals for my father the 16th time. The Sun was just born. The breeze that gave me a freezing shiver penetrated into me. That made me feel a communication which I’d like to believe was from heaven, through the baby Sun, as that tender breeze that came to me caressing the beautiful river and then into me. I felt abstracted totally. That was when I felt the touch of warm fingers on my shoulders. This wasn’t new to me. This is what forces me to this place every year. To feel this touch. But the warmth was deeper and more intense this time. May be because I was a little worn and weak time. All I could feel outside my skin was the cold drops from Nila that rolled all over me.

I could see or feel like seeing an energy that I always liked to call ‘Soul’, everywhere over there. Some were leaving, some trying to converse and some unwillingly flying back. The wonder in my eyes seeing the more than 64X or 128X fast forwarded motion of all beneath me, the Soul who stood next to me said, “The time-wheel have a longer diameter here than that of Earth. One heaven-day is one earth-year.”

Death was first just a word for me first. Then as I started to know, once it shocked me. As time rolled it turned out to be a fascination. Slowly I started admiring Him. Death…I believe it to be God’s proof that he still rules.

Soul then tells me that death is rather a beginning and not an end. It’s said that a body is a highway inn for the Soul. Life begins as Soul enters a body, following which the Soul remains in that body feeling this small-big world with the senses. And as time rolls Soul is forced to fly out from the cage of body as the later wares out.

The moment the last breath is exhaled, the body which was until then a mark of identity turns to a mass of dead meat, which waits either to burn in flames or decay under earth. What remains is the soul alone, which then moves with us in an intergalactic space that's beyond the description of the senses, until it gets a new body to enter.

“This is the fact, son. But, we guide those lives that struggle as we are lost to them. I had always been there around you.” He said. I made a hard attempt to speak. “I have felt that too. Th…though…” Suddenly, I felt water getting in my mouth making me gasp and breathing was also a task. Another sudden shiver woke me. “I” was taking a dip in the Nila after offering the rituals. I couldn’t believe how fast that time went.

Everything just passed by during my conversation with ‘Him’. Nothing abnormal or supernatural was seen anymore when I looked around. But I could still feel the shock all over my body. He must have gone. The montage of emotions I went through expressed a warm tiny candid drop of tear that rolled down my cheeks. Nobody noticed it. Nila wiped it cleverly, taking that drop deep into her.

I wished if we had the same ‘Time-wheel’ they had on earth too. Doesn’t matter.., I could still feel that energy’s unassailable presence around me that drives me steadily until the day I meet God’s proof…

Transit

Waiting is a kind of suspended animation. Time solidifies: a dead weight. Waiting casts one's life into a little dungeon of time. It is a way of being controlled, of being rendered immobile and helpless. One can read a book or sing (odd looks from the others) or chat with strangers if the wait is long enough to begin forming a bond of shared experience.

These long transit hours are killing me. I feel that even the seconds hand on my watch is taking the pace of his dwarf counterpart. Sri Lanka During my primary school days, I had that comic thought that this country which I often draw like a drop of water falling off the tap’s tip, is just a swim away from the tip of my country. Even though it was years back when I was a kid, it would be a point of self betrayal when I deny the fact that that thought came into me several times. Fortunately or unfortunately, my swimming coach was not that professional enough to teach me swimming.

Waiting can turn Gandhi to Hilter. And so for a short-tempered guy like me it was as if 20 years of imprisonment. For me, waiting for a person even after the time scheduled was meant to be his death at the same moment he arrives. But when it is a wait to crash land like a meteor to the midst of your loved ones spreading laugh waves of happiness...it’s…it’s something bloody inexplicable.

Hmm, few more hours to go. There are bunches of hearts waiting for me just across this fragile channel of Indian Ocean. I can feel that gravity. But Sri Lankan Airlines never fly before time. :(

Be Open Minded

There are many different reasons for having an open mind. One reason is so that you’re always ready to try anything new. Also, so that you will express your ideas without holding them back. Another reason would be so that people won't just see you as any other person. They will see you as being an "open minded" person.

Always being able to try something new is important because if you always stick to the regular you do, you might get tired of it. If you don't try anything new, how will you learn? Also, if you're buying clothes you'll be able to pick something different than your normal attire rather than the same styles you always wear.

I believe that being open-minded is one of the most important things one can do in their life, yet it is very difficult to let your mind be open to anything and everything. Modern culture, ignorance, and opinions often prevent anyone from being open-minded in today’s society. I believe that being tolerant of different religions, cultures, and such is key in understanding the world. Sadly, people’s ignorance today is what is holding us back from being open-minded towards these things. The influence of the internet, TV, and other people is the main cause of this. Usually most people just go along with what people are saying or doing. People rarely think for themselves anymore.

My parents have greatly enforced the idea of being open-minded during my early childhood. They always taught me to accept other people’s ideas and way of life without criticizing them. I found that by being open-minded most of my life I can get along easier with other people and am more open towards their ideas. I have tried to follow this as best as I can but it is difficult to do as most people lead straight to a conclusion based on the main ideas and beliefs of others, not their own.

I believe that people need to start thinking by themselves and for themselves. One must be willing to accept almost everything that they see is different, except anything that is clearly outrageous and offensive. After becoming open-minded, one will be able to start seeing the good in almost everything one will come across in life. Having a closed mind and following the beliefs of mainstream culture will close any doors in the way of being able to learn more about the world. I believe that in order for the entire world to get along, countries must be unbiased and tolerant of each other. Today, countries have a hard time understanding other country’s motives, but if they understood their culture, religion, and basic beliefs that just maybe, maybe, they might get along better in some way. And some jug-heads take it too personal also. That’s so unfortunate.

These things I believe very strongly. And I hope that one day all of humanity will be able to get along and understand each other through being open-minded. I believe it is time for people to step up out of their comfort zones and learn more about various world cultures in hope that one day we will all be able to appreciate one another.Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. We are not the perfect of God’s creations. We are ignorant about an unimaginable measure of things about vision, culture, tradition etc. At times even a 5 year old kid can be your teacher. Respect the source that throws light on something you never even thought would be there in existence rather than debating on the absence of what you are ignorant of doesn’t exist.

Gather knowledge. Embrace wisdom. Live free. Live light.

Be open minded...

“Live your Life”

‘Act of Valor’. The news that the Cinematographer Shane Hurlbut used Canon EOS 5D Mark II cameras to shoot the movie was what apparently pulled my attention to that movie. Throughout the movie there was a letter narrated which later I reckoned to be a poem “Live your Life” by Tecumseh. I felt it really touching and inspiring as well. 

Here it is….

“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”

~ Chief Tecumseh