1st July, 2011
2200hrs
Blinking eyes has become a fear for me for the past few days. Every
time my eyes finds darkness there starts the slideshow of all that I’m trying
to get rid of. May be the diabolic force in me is taking control over things
these days. I may run out of the positive energy stuffed in me.
I’m afraid…am I becoming an Al Pacino in the movie Insomnia. A
character who starts losing his focus and mental stability due to lack of a
sound sleep…am I becoming someone like that? I doubt…I seriously do..
Being alone is not a fear for me. But being trapped and unable to get
into and mend my own problems is a torture. I know I need to live it through.
And in the end I’ll be the one standing tall, victorious… But in that course I will
have loses, which is meant for this life alone. Sacrificing them all means I’m
betraying myself…which then makes that look like a victory to the world alone.
For me, I will the biggest loser I have ever come across.
Uncertainties…dilemma…all are part of the game. It’s not a fact that’s present
in my personality. I have moved breaking the uncertainties. But this time…I
don’t know what I’m thinking; doing or speaking is right or wrong. Moreover,
being misunderstood is a mightier ache at heart.
May be its just because, like what I mentioned before, as I’m running
out of my positive energy. Could be… But, I’m shattered…thoroughly… That’s all
what I’m clear of at this point of time.
Let Time take control over the game…I’ll step aside until it’s time for
the presentation ceremony…
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